The Closet

Wednesday, June 18th, 2003 | Gay Stuff

Arguably I’ve led a charmed life when it comes to being ‘out’. My family has all been amazing when I came out to them – it didn’t seem to phase them at all.. The only change in their attitudes I could see was that my mom switched from trying to set me up with girls to trying to set up up with boys ( ask me about our Hawaii trip some time! 😉 ). My friends were equally cool too for the most part.. I had one friend of mine from college that seemed wierd about it but thats it.. The rest were wonderful (and even he is fine – just cautious)… And same at work – telling co-workers at Apple has NEVER been a problem and the same with my management. Had many managers ask me if I was married and when I told them I had a partner they didn’t skip a beat..

So thats why I’m always surprised when i run into people in the bay area that aren’t out. I was out for beers friday night with some friends and ran into another group of friends… As we were sayin hi one of ’em started actin freakey and turned his back. I tapped him on the shoulder and said hi to which he said hi then darted into the crowd.. One of my other buddies used to be the HR manager at the company the other worked at (he just left the HR job but the other guy didn’t know that yet)… Turns out the guy who darted into the crowd wasn’t out at work and didn’t want people from work to see him at a gay bar.. They ended up talking later and it was all OK but still struck me curious. I’d think that it wouldn’t be an issue if they were BOTH at the bar..

Too wierd..

I know everyone comes out in their own time and I don’t believe in anyone coming out before they’re ready to deal. But even so, I’m always curious what kind of things makes it hard for people in the San Francisco area to come out.. Its a pretty gay cool place.. Not many work places would have a problem with it (and in most discrimination is a firable offense). Not many people in the area are phobic… If someone lived in Stillwater Oklahoma or was a teamster I’d understand.. But living in SF and working in Technology isn’t the same…

Is it family? Is it religion? Is it friends? Is it historical? Is it Politics? Or is it just cuz it shouldn’t be anyone’s business under certain circumstances?

Mind you i’m not judging or scorning in ANY WAY… Coming out is a VERY personal thing and I respect everyone’s own reasons for coming out or not and their own timing… I’ve known people that came out at age 7 and i’ve known people who have come out at age 45 and everything in between. I didn’t comeout myself until age 23 (which seems like a lot of wasted time in retrospect! 😉 ) I’m just always curious what makes people tick and why some people choose to keep this part of their life to themselves and others seem to want EVERYONE to know…

Guess I should add this to the things I ‘wonder about’! 🙂

3 Comments to The Closet

Ray
June 18, 2003

I came out when I was 22 thanks to the ‘net. For some it’s such a quick process others never fully deal with it.

I on the one hand am so far out of the closet that I need to go back in for a bit and figure out what makes those heterosexuals tick! 🙂

Vernon
June 18, 2003

I still laugh when I think about the time friends invited us (me and my partner) to go out to a gay bar and we pretended to be tired. Now we go there without a second thought and I occasionally run into people from work at that place. It’s a nice and funny memory. 🙂

Stairs
June 19, 2003

Of course, let’s not forget that there are plenty of straight folk who are quite comfortable in gay bars and clubs – not just women, but blokes too; some of my friends from school, all straight as they come, suggested going to a gay bar during a night out many years ago just to make things more interesting for me.
I was touched by the gesture, and while it may have been fair for people at the bar to assume that my friends were gay too, they would have been wrong. Being in the closet, or simply uncomfortable about ones sexuality, does tend to make people act hypersensitively to situations like that, which would go a ways in explaining his overly cautious reaction.

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